Ain't No Happiness Nowhere

Ain't No Happiness Nowhere

I'm still around. I've been laying low for the holidays. Strangely, I haven't felt inspired to write and I've been OK about that. Usually when I don't write I get that guilty feeling; the same guilty feeling you get by not going to the gym. Even when I'm not writing this blog, usually I'm writing something: chapters for my novel, movie reviews, articles, something at least.

It's weird that I haven't felt the need to write anything. The only reason why I'm writing this is because I didn't want a whole month to go by without saying something.

The boyfriend situation is OK. I dunno, I feel like I really shouldn't talk him so much here. As far as the relationship goes, things aren't amazing, but they aren't horrible. It's just OK. Rather boring actually. He came over last week and stayed nearly the whole week. It was nice. God, 'nice' is such a bland word. Read between the lines here, people. Anyhow we got to watching that Chris Rock HBO special, "Never Scared."

There's a bit in that special that especially caught my attention. It's when Chris Rock says, "Married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere."


It suddenly struck me, what if that's true? What if those are the only two choices in life? MARRIED & BORED vs SINGLE & LONELY.

Surely it's better to married and bored, right? When married people are really bored they can do things to distract themselves (e.g. have affairs). And from my experience of sleeping with married men, married guys actually want to stay married. They have no desire to leave their wives and enter singledom again. Why is that? It must be because being married and bored is the better alternative to single and lonely, right?

I haven't quite worked that answer out yet. It's just something I've been thinking about.

Love form Bournemouth

I'm in an internet cafe in Bournemouth not too far from the seafront.

No, I haven't moved in with Pete. I think if this wasn't my life I would find it soooo hilarious! I came down to Bournouth yesterday because I had a meeting in Hove. So I figured I'd visit Pete while I was down here.

We went to a pub. While we were there he mentioned the idea of moving in together. I uneasily said, "We'll have to talk about it."

I don't think I'm ready to move in with anyone right now. That thought was further cemented when I saw where Pete was staying - a youth hostel. WTF?!?!?

He says he's only here two nights a week while he does a course at Bournmouth Uni. He says he spends the rest of the time in his flat in Kilburn. But every time he mentioned his "Bournemouth place." I envisioned a cosy 1 bedroom flat with possibly a view of the seaside. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it was a youth hostel! It was totally creepy. 3 beds in the room -- although it's only him that "lives there". A dingy little sink. Glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling. When you walk into his room, his door on the outside says, "Atif loves the cock."

OMG what have I gotten into? Ok, time at the internet cafe is running low. Gotta go v v soon. I didn't even get to mention the part where I checked his mobile phone and saw a listing in his address book that said, "Wife."

Yes, I was snooping. And yes, I copied down the number. Will investigate later today.

Anjelika xx

Naive Bournemouth Girl?

No computer. Blogging from iPod. Must be terse.

Yesterday, Pete asked me to move in with him - in Bournemouth!

He has accepted a job there. He wants me to move in with him.

Can I possibly leave London? Is it too soon to move in? Should I consider it? How would the dog cope?

Vivid and in Your Prime

Vivid and in Your Prime

My Friend, The Voice of Reason is in town from New York. We went for a curry in Docklands for dinner. A conversation perused while we ate.

ANJ: (checking mobile phone) Pete hasn't called.

VOR: I've gotta say that there are enough red flags in this relationship.

ANJ: I know. I've only been telling you the bad stuff. I haven't been telling you the good stuff.

VOR: There's good stuff?

ANJ: Yes, of course.

VOR: Sounds like you're more into the concept of having a boyfriend.

ANJ: Yes, totally, I'm into the concept, but so what. I like how it sounds when I say, "I have a boyfriend" or "My boyfriend and I did this over the weekend." Guilty as charged. It's not just about having a boyfriend, it's about the perception of normalcy.

VOR: Meaning?

ANJ: There's a whole big list of things I need to tick off before I can feel, you know, normal. Having a boyfriend is one of those things. In the perceived race for life/ being an adult, I feel like I'm being left behind here. I'm 30 and have no husband, no kids. I have a flat, a dog, and a 2-seater car. I just want a NORMAL life.

VOR: Why?

ANJ: What do you mean why?

VOR: You're fabulous the way you are. Why do you want a quote/unquote normal life?

ANJ: I'm tired of being the one who's always left out. I don't care if it sounds boring to say that I want to meet someone and settle down. That's what I want!

VOR: You've traveled around the world. You've worked in 3 different countries - on three different continents. There are people that envy your life. You have a fab job at a TV company.

ANJ: Yes, okay, maybe. I'm not saying it's a bad life, but I'm saying I want more. I moved over to this country on my own. I'm tired of doing things alone. I hate the way it sounds. I hate the way it feels. I don't want to be alone. Not now.

VOR: You don't have to settle for this Pete guy, though. You should love your self more than that.

ANJ: I'm not settling for him! I like him. We have a great time together. Are things perfect? No. But he's only guy I've been attracted to in the past year that I've had more than a couple dates with. For what ever reason, the only guys that seem to be attracted to me are bald or over 40. And he's neither. So I'm happy enough to just go with the flow.

VOR: You don't sound happy.

ANJ: I am fine. I dunno. Maybe I'm not over the BFE yet? Fuck. (Pausing while chewing) It's been over a year. When will I finally get over him?

VOR: It's difficult because you were in love with him.

ANJ: I wasn't in love with him. I just liked him a lot. I mean that period when we were dating-

VOR: Fucking-

ANJ: Dating-

VOR: He was still married-

ANJ: Separated. He was separated. His wife moved out. For that period of time things were amazing. I lost all this weight. I loved my job. We had amazing sex. Not just average sex. It was amazing every time.

VOR: And you had to ruin it by having feelings for him.

ANJ: I couldn't help it. Anyhow, I make no apologies for that period of time. Things were good. Things ended naturally. I had to travel out of the country to work and so did he. And that was that. We both arrived back into the country a month later and he got back together with his wife. Was I disappointed with that? Yes. But I cherished the time we had together.

VOR: You weren't satisfied with that.

ANJ: I was! I was! It just all went downhill at the Radiohead show. I blame Thom Yorke.

VOR: You weren't satisfied with how it ended, and you let things get out of control at the Radiohead show. You should have said no.

ANJ: Who has that willpower? Who?

VOR: You should have said no.

ANJ: Are you any better? If the guy that gave you the best orgasms of your life, who you felt deeply for, who you haven't seen in months put his arms around you and started kissing you, you think I should walk away?

VOR: Yes.

ANJ: You expect me to be the good one here? He's the one with the wife. I was just along for the ride.

VOR: If you said no you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

ANJ: I'm not perfect. We were like 2 magnets drawn to each other. God, now we're like to magnets at polar opposites. Yes, I made the mistake, but he made it too. Anyhow with Pete, the sex is good. Things are nice, but I want it to reach that level that it did with the BFE.

VOR: These things take time.

ANJ: "And I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped..."

Game On!

Game On!

OK, I'm back together with Pete, the disappearing boyfriend, sort of. We've written off last week's snafu to "mis-communication."

We've decided that we're going to "date" and not be "boyfriend and girlfriend." He says he's not going to date anyone else besides me, but says that I can see other guys if I want. He says he's not the 'jealous type.' But maybe I want the jealous type?

So should I see other guys? It's like getting a free gym membership when you already have one. Should you explore the other gym just because you can?

Pete says that he still considers me his girlfriend. He says that I can consider him my boyfriend, but I can see other guys. So either this is really exciting for me, or really strange.

We spent last weekend together. It was fun. Pete finally got over his condom issue. We had sex 5 times on Saturday. His recovery time after he comes is 10 minutes. Brilliant!

Even though the sex was good, I didn't feel the fireworks that I felt when I was going out with the BFE. Don't get me wrong, Pete has the skills and yes it's good, very good, but it's not GREAT.

Am I settling for "Good"? Will the "Great" come? If I don't feel it now will I ever feel it?

Mystery Solved

Mystery Solved

No, not the Mystery of the Disappearing Boyfriend, but this cryptic message I received four days ago:

Subject: VIP Event Invite
From: "Driedonpaper"
Date: Mon, November 10, 2008 6:33 pm
To: me@naivelondongirl.com

Hi Anjelika,

On the 13th November a new device designed to keep you in social sync more than ever before will be unveiled. We thought you'd be interested in coming along and being involved.

As our special guests, you and a friend are invited to this exclusive event to witness how this new product will impact your life and social interactions. Taking place in a premier East End London venue, there will be music from Disco Bloodbath, The Unabombers and Hexstatic are on visual duties and there'll be plenty of free food and drink.

We'd like you to come along as you have an interest in using social media, such as your 'naivelondongirl' blog and your use of Twitter. This new device will have a big impact on how you use social media to communicate.

This is VIP only and places are very limited, so please confirm your attendance ASAP by replying to this email and we'll put your name and a plus one on the guest list.

The party starts 5:30PM 13th November. More details to follow.

Matt

What's even more intriguing is that some people received invitations in the post. Look at these photos below courtesy of Miss Geeky




Above photos courtesy of Miss Geeky Miss Geeky.

I'm a sucker for free drinks and VIP parties, so naturally I was there tonight with the Ex in tow.

So what was the big mystery? The was a launch party held by 3. It was good night there. Open bar, good food, good conversation and a nice venue. I got to demo the new 3 Inq mobile phone. I should be getting one in the post within the next few days, so I'll let you know if it lives up to the hype.

It other news, I finally got a new job. I'm waiting to get everything in writing before I celebrate. Fingers crossed it will all go through. Pete sent me a message congratulating me. I don't know if that means anything, or if we're still 'going out.' I will just take things in stride and hope for the best.

Return of the Disappearing Boyfriend

Return of the Disappearing Boyfriend


FROM: Anjelika Jinx (07XXXXXXXXX)
TO: Pete (07XXXXXXXXX)
Hello Darling Hope you’re doing
well. Thanks for giving me the
inspiration for a new chapter in
my book. I’m calling it “Pete,
the disappearing boyfriend.” I’ve
put the first part on the internet
already along with your photo.
Will email you the link. BTW,
I write a blog with a readership
of thousands. I’m guessing you
won’t stay hidden too much longer.

Best,
Anjelika

Two minutes later… *mobile rings*

ANJ: Hello?

PETE: Yeah, what’s all this about with the calls?

ANJ: Uh, you’ve been missing since last Tuesday.

PETE: I talked to you a couple days ago.

ANJ: For two seconds, you said, “I’m on the way out the door. I’ll call you back.” And you never did!

PETE: What? I texted you all weekend.

ANJ: Yesterday was the first text I received from you since last Tuesday. Why didn’t you call me back?

PETE: I’ve been really stressed and busy.

ANJ: But it only takes 2 seconds to text someone back. It would have taken 2 seconds to do that and put my mind at ease.

PETE: I talked to you the other day, yeah.

ANJ: We haven’t had a conversation since last Tuesday. I remember. George Bush was still in power. Why didn’t you just call me back?

PETE: I don’t like being badgered into things.

ANJ: It’s common courtesy to return a phone call, a text, an e-mail. Especially if you’re my BOYfriend. If we were ‘just dating’ then I wouldn’t care. Call me in a few days; a week; a month, But you’re my BOYfriend so I expect a call more than once a week. You didn’t respond to any of my calls, texts or e-mails. What was I supposed to think? You disappeared.

PETE: I didn’t. I was busy, and I don’t appreciate you calling me so much. I have 30 missed calls!

ANJ: Listen, I had written off this relationship yesterday, but I still had a bee in my bonnet about not hearing from you. So I wanted answers.

PETE: Is this how you behave when you don’t get what you want? You’re really freaking me out here. Why would you be like this? It’s really making me rethink things between us. Why would you be so horrible and send me that text message.

ANJ: YOU DISAPPEARED! Was I supposed to sit around and wait 9 days for my boyfriend to call me?

PETE: I’m under a lot of stress now. And we’ve been in contact. I sent you a text yesterday.

ANJ: That’s the first I heard from you in a week. And by the way, how long would I have had to have waited until you returned my call?

PETE: I was going to call you tonight.

ANJ: *rolls eyes* We have very different ideas about dating and relationships.

PETE: Yes. And what’s this blog thing?

ANJ: Oh nothing, just a joke.

###

OK, so I feel a bit like an idiot, but also somewhat indignant. Am I in the wrong ? Of course as loyal followers of this blog I expect you all to take my side. But if I’m wrong call me out on it.

How long should I have been patient? Have I been too hasty? Was I so ready to throw out a relationship? Should I have waited it out? But if I did wait it out maybe he never would have responded? Why would a boyfriend take so long to call?

And in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “maybe I just missed my chance.”

I wish I had the patience of Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary.

Mystery of the Disappearing Boyfriend

I've Googled the term "boyfriend disappeared" and boy oh boy did I find a lot of stuff out there! Disappearing boyfriends are an international phenomenon. I didn't realize the extent of it

On this website the girl hasn't seen her boyfriend in 6 weeks. Crikey. And the advice the website author gives?

Have you considered the fact that Jesus Christ loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life? No matter what the circumstances are, He can change you from the inside out and give you a new perspective on life.

Actually, no, that's one of the few possibilities that I haven't considered.

It happens to gay guys. Some very sound advice here at this site.

Bottom Line: Move on as soon as you feel up to it. Date and stay determined to meet a man who deserves your time and attention. If the missing man ever reappears, think long and hard before you automatically let him back into your life. Keep in mind that old expression, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

It happens to Canadians, eh.

A: Blow this bubble out of mind; your feelings are more about past hurt than present loss. You were a long-distance couple who didn't have much time in each other's company, if any.

It happens to friends of friends.

Anybody ever had a boyfriend just disappear?
The reason I ask is because I was recently talking to one of my close girlfriends who told me about her college boyfriend who never broke up with her. He just disappeared and never saw or spoke to her ever again. She said one night they went to some university function like a dance or ball. She said her boyfriend was kind of in a bad mood that whole night. He left the party without telling her and she never saw him EVER AGAIN!

It even happened to Olivia Newton-John

So I guess the disappearing boyfriend happens to the best of us. At least it gives me more material to write about. And remember Pete (real name Tom), I always get the last laugh.