Naive London Girl

Anal Sex For Women

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 01:59:00 +0000

I got a great e-mail from someone who listens to my podcast. She has some great tips about anal sex and I thought that would share them with you all.

Just listened to the latest podcast, and I have to say... Anal sex can be some of the most intensely satisfying, visceral and beautiful sex a person can experience.
But... If it hurts, it's vitally important that you STOP. If you need to then keep going but slower, or just use some fingers to relax you more, or apply more lube (and olive oil isn't exactly safe for ladies to be using. It can migrate to the vagina and cause nasty yeast infections), then its utterly essential that you speak up.

I highly recommend the book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino. This is one of the BEST sources of information and guidance. This chicka has been buttfucking for ages, and the book is well researched. She goes over information I've been saying for years like; if it hurts you're doing it wrong, and PLAY WITH YOUR DAMN CLIT!

Sometimes you need to train your body to associate certain acts with pleasure. What better way to do that than with some finger or vibe action on your love button? Not only that, it will relax you and get you in the best mood for penetration. And really, who doesn't want more pleasure?

Again, highly recommend this book to men AND women, because there are too many guys out there who think you can just spit on a cock and ram it in and it all works like magic, just like in porn! The fact is, those women (and men, yay gay porn!) are sexual athletes. They spend hours preparing for their scenes, having enemas lube shots and wearing plugs to relax and get their asses ready for action. That isn't to say that you HAVE to spend 5 hours preparing every time you intend to get your ass fucked. It just points out that there's a lot more preparation involved than vaginal sex. With PiV (Penis in Vagina) all you have to really worry about is 'are you wet enough?', when it comes to comfortable penetration. For PiA (Penis in Ass) you need to warm everything up, stretch, lube sufficiently, and then as you get going communicate, communicate, communicate.

Don't ever think you are just meant to grit your teeth and take it. You can do yourself lasting damage this way. Rectal tissue is delicate and needs tender loving! A guy needs to know if he's going too fast, being too rough, etc. Just like with faking orgasms, if you never tell him how to do it right, how will he ever know any better, and how will you ever be satisfied? A lot of guys LOVE a woman who LOVES getting fucked in the ass. A woman who will moan and groan and cum and enjoy every minute of it. Its all about giving pleasure. So.. Learn to receive it and reap the rewards!

Lots of love to Wanda!
From one of your Australian listeners,
H.

An Engagement

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 01:16:00 +0000

I spent 2 hours Sunday morning looking at Engagement Rings.

It all started at 4 AM. Gary, my friend / fuck buddy / lodger got a phone call on his cell. He was sleeping in the guest bedroom. I couldn't hear everything he was saying, but I know that he was speaking Spanish. There was something about a hospital and emergency and someone was ill. The call lasted 15 minutes. Eventually he hung up. He exited the guest room, went into the bathroom, took a piss and went back to bed- without washing his hands-- EW!

I went back to bed and was awakened several hours later by the smell of eggs and bacon; both which I detest. I got out of bed and put on my fuzzy pink bath robe. Doggums jumped off the bed and followed me into the kitchen.

Gary was fixing himself breakfast. Part of me was thinking, "I really hate the smell of eggs and bacon." The other part of me was thinking, "I really hoped he washed his hands before he touched all my pans."

"Yo!" Gary greeted me. He seemed unusually chipper for 8:30 AM. "Where's your coffee maker?"

"I don't drink coffee," I said feeling really groggy. I've known him for over 10 years and he doesn't remember that I don't drink coffee?

"Ah, I forgot," He leaned down and gave Doggums a strip of bacon.

"Don't feed her that. She'll go off her kibble now."

"I forgot you were grouchy in the mornings."

"That phone call woke me up. Who's calling you at that hour? "

"It was a call from New York."

"Don't they know you're over here?"

"Yeah, but it was Maria and it was an emergency. Maria's sister Jessica is dating this cop. NYPD. He's a nut case this guy. Roughed her up a bit. So Jess had a sprained wrist and Maria had to take her to the hospital. Jess doesn't know if she wants to press charges. And Maria called me all upset. She doesn't know what to do. I dunno, it's all a mess. Her family is pretty crazy."

I looked at Gary strangely. "Who is Maria?"

He looked back at me strangely, "My girlfriend."

OK, in the month that Gary has been here, he's never once mentioned that he had a girlfriend. Fake fucking singleton!!! That seems so strange to me. In the 10+ years that we've known each other yes, we've fucked when he's had a girlfriend- but I always knew that upfront. It was never an afterthought. It just seems really shady and unlike him not to mention it.

The thing is, even if he did mention that he had a girlfriend, it wouldn't have made much of a difference to me. Yes, I know it's bad to sleep with another girl's man. It's just that I've known Gary long enough; and we've been fucking each other long enough that it's just not a big deal.

"You never mentioned you had a girlfriend."

He shrugged, "I didn't know how to bring it up?"

"It's not a big deal. It wasn't a big deal when you were with Cathy, Christine, Miriam, Jennifer or that other girl, the one with the big nose-"

"Dee."

"Yeah her.

"Things are different with Maria. She's the one."

"The one what?"

He paused for an uncomfortably long time.

"The one that I'm going to marry."

I wish I could tell you that I was woman enough to be happy for him. But I'm not. A sense of jealousy and betrayal came over me. I felt enraged. How can he marry Maria when he fucked me up the ass last week? Seriously, it's shit like that that makes me lose faith in men.

Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I agreed to help him look for engagement rings online. While we were looking at the rings, I got the backstory on Maria.

She's 24 and a dental hygienist from the Bronx. She's from a strict Catholic family. And here's the kicker. She's a virgin! I rolled my eyes when he said that.

"No, really she is! I can't finger her. My pinky can't even fit in there," he claimed.

A lot of questions came to mind:

Is he marrying her just so he can sleep with her?
If I had stayed a virgin would I be married by now?
Do men honestly look for virginity in a potential wife?
Is the fact that I'm SO NOT a virgin a turn-off to men?
Should I have saved my anal virginiy for my potential husband?

So I spent 2 hours finding the perfect ring for Maria. The experience was torturous. I had imagined doing something like that with my ex. I became filled with feelings of sadness and hopelessness at the prospect of possibly never getting married.

So I did something that I said I would never do: I called my ex.

More later

Two Cocks - Amazing Pic

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 22:14:00 +0000

Is this pic for real or is it a Photoshop job? So many question?!?!

1. Do both cocks get erect at the same time?
2. Do you cum out of both cocks at the same time? Or can you tag-team it?
3. If you suck on one cock does the other one get hard?
4. Can he fuck you in the pussy and the ass at the same time?
5. Does this mean he has four balls?

Should I Lie to You?

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 01:21:00 +0000

I had an interesting comment left for me on one of my blog entires. It got me thinking. Should I lie to you?

This is becoming pathetic... has left a new comment on your post "Again in the Balls! Oops!":

I mean, c'mon dude. Your man is a wimp.

Which new yorker would winge twice over his balls being bumped into around the same female he's freeloading on?

This is becoming kinda pathetic and boring to read. 2 posts on the same dude who doesn't even fuck you, yet sleeps in your flat for free (like any woman would accept a dinner in exchange for a fortnight's lodging in central london).

Lie to us.
Tell us he gave you mindblowing sex.
Tell us you beat his ass for wimping like a touchy/delicate/sensitive faggot over his balls which were obviously empty to begin with.
Tell us you wiped his laptop clean of that gay ass Star-Trek Atlantis shite.
Tell us something new and interesting.

Don't tell us about bank tube station and Gary's sensitive balls anymore.

We'll stop reading this and go onto the multi-men gang-bang blog which is even more pathetic and boring...

8 men on one bitch who seems to have had it (no more appeal left to be fucked by any respectable man who requires some form of sex-appeal and at least a favourable ratio of women to men in their presence to achieve an orgasm).

So this got me thinking. Should I lie to you? Do you want me to make up stories about getting fucked daily, nightly and ever-so-rightly?

I tend like the "warts and all" mentality. Yes, I can write about the great sex that I have, but not all the sex I have is great. Some of it is bad, sloppy, weird or mediocre. I feel that if I were writing about having fantastic sex all the time this blog would be false-- a total figment of my imagination. I think that there are a lot of you who read this blog who would pick up on that. What would be the difference then between reading this and say a Harlequin / Mills and Boon Novel?

Obviously, when you're writing a sex blog, there are certain things that you have to lie about-- mostly names, places and occupations- which are generally inconsequential to the experience anyhow. Does it matter that my friend/fuck buddy's name isn't really Gary? Does that change the fact that I puked on his cock or that I had anal sex with him?

I feel that I should try to 'keep it real' as much as possible. But let me know what you think? Should I lie to you?

How NOT to Ask Me Out - Part 6

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:43:00 +0000

FROM: G.

SUBJECT: Hy

DATE: 13 March 2010 10:47:32

TO: naive_london_girl@msn.com

hi
i got you on blog im g. .27 and i live in nairobi,kenya. , good in bed and handsome, (chiks always tel me zat) id really like to start a relationshipp................
we can fbook,,oh and i love giving a good shagmm

I didn't even bother replying. Is there any point?

How NOT to Ask Me Out - Part 5

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:14:00 +0000

FROM: D.

SUBJECT: How about it?
DATE: 10 March 2010 19:19:46
TO: naive_london_girl@msn.com

You probably get these sort of emails alot but just wanted to see if you might be interested in some NSA sex. I have read your blog it seems u have some decent experience. I am 29 Asian (indian) and have alot of stamina and a decent sized. Let me know if ur interested.

Dear D,

I like your honest approach, but the answer is still no.

Cheers,
Anjelika

Too Harsh? More Thoughts on Zoe Margolis

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:18:00 +0000

Last night when I was in bed, I had a thought... I tend to think about my blog entries as I laying in bed. Anyhow I was thinking that maybe I was a bit too harsh on Zoe Margolis in my blog post Zoe Margolis, the Evening Standard and a Lesson in Journalism.

For the record, I do think what the Times did to her was shitty. I still stand by my statement that I don't think it's possible to famous and anonymous. It's incongruous if anything. I do think that it was naive of her to think that she could remain anonymous and have a best selling book.

When I said, "The best thing that could have happened to her career is her being outted. How many books has she sold since then?" What I really meant was that the best thing to happen to her WRITNG CAREER was to be outted. She'll come through this and will ultimately be a better writer because of it.

Being outted was probably the worst thing to happen to her professional film career. In that business your reputation is everything. To have it tarnished and destroyed would be personally devastating. I can definitely sympathize with that. I can imagine that she was quite traumatized by the ordeal.

Anyhow, no one has asked me to clarify this. I haven't received any bitchy hate mail or comments. This was just something I was thinking as I was laying in bed last night.

Gang Bang Answers

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 12:20:00 +0000

Fellow blogger Dave has provided many answers I had to my entry Gang Bang Curosity. He has posted his answers in his blog: Glimpses of Dave. Please go to his blog, read his gang bang answers and check out his other entries. http://glimpsesofdave.blogspot.com

How do you decide which guy goes first?
We were in an over-priced, yet poorly decorated hotel room. Peach floral print bedspread and matching carpet. A double bed in the middle of the room. The scent of abrasive cleaning fluids, masked with potpourri filled the air. If not for the group of guys and a woman in various states of undress, the room could have been mistaken for a Better Homes and Gardens "before" picture from 1977.

The woman in question was Edwina. Or Eddie, as her husband called her. Eddie stood about 5'4, had long black hair that was messy and somewhat wavy. She had small-ish breasts that weren't on speaking terms with gravity. She and her husband lived in the suburbs, had kids, and did gang bangs for fun on the weekend.

Edwina stripped down to her black bra and panties, complete with thigh high stockings, garter belt, the whole nine yards. Clearly these was her "slutting around" outfit, which may have been a little cliché, but was appropriate for the occasion.

She told us all to take off our clothes and stand around the bed. We did. She then knelt on the bed, and with a somewhat drunk/high smile on her face bent over and grabbed my hard cock.

So like in most situations, the female made the decision.

Check out his blog to read the rest. http://glimpsesofdave.blogspot.com

Anjelika's First Anal

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 01:45:00 +0000

Wanda and I chat about:

Anjelika has anal sex.
Anjelika gains and loses a job
Diet and nutrition
Jobs and Employment
Anal Sex
Pellet Poos

Please vote for us for Best Life Style Podcast

http://www.swingfestevents.com/vote-podcast.htm

Please rate our podcast in iTunes

"I had anal sex."

"You used to tut when I said I love anal sex."

"Do you love anal sex more than you love your money?"

"Do you love anal sex more than you love your mum?"

"I love sex up the bum more than I love my mum."

I didn't poop in his cock, I puked on his cock."

"If you're positioning me like that you better fuck me up the ass!"

"He bend me over the counter and fucked me up the ass."

"Sex in the normal whole can sometimes be a bit average."

"I was watching some gay porn last night."

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Again in the Balls! Oops!

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:57:00 +0000

It had been ages since I had been to Nando's so it felt like a special treat. Gary, an American, had never been there but he said he had enjoyed it.

After lunch we got on the Tube. We changed trains at Bank so we could catch the DLR. As we were ascending a flight of stairs I tripped. My briefcase sailed into the bannister then ricochet right into Gary's balls!

He screamed and doubled over in pain.

Everyone in the stairwell stopped and looked at us. Several people came up to us and asked if he was OK. An official that works for the underground started to call an ambulance. Gary was mortified.

"I'm fine," he yelled through gritted teeth. "She hit me in the balls with her briefcase!"

"Accidently!" I interjected, in case anyone thought it was an asasult.

Gary stood there in the middle of the crowded stairwell for 10 minutes. He looked like he was in agonizing pain. I couldn't apologize enough.

Eventually he mustered up enough strength to get on the DLR. Even though he was sitting next to me he sent me a text. It said,

"We are through having sex. You have killed my last sperm."

I'm not sure if he was joking or not, but I have a feeling I'm not going to get any cock in a long while.

Again in the Balls! Oops!

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:55:00 +0000

Gary, my friend and sometimes fuck buddy and I went for a late lunch at Nando's yesterday. I had just come from an interview so I was dressed smartly and had my briefcase with me. When Gaz and I go out, we usually go Dutch. Seems weird having him pay for me and vice versa. Yesterday, however, he insisted that he pay as a 'thank you' for letting him crash at my place for the fortnight.

It had been ages since I had been to Nando's so it felt like a special treat. Gary, an American, had never been there but he said he had enjoyed it.

After lunch we got on the Tube. We changed trains at Bank so we could catch the DLR. As we were ascending a flight of stairs I tripped. My briefcase sailed into the bannister then ricochet right into Gary's balls!

He screamed and doubled over in pain.

Everyone in the stairwell stopped and looked at us. Several people came up to us and asked if he was OK. An official that works for the underground started to call an ambulance. Gary was mortified.

"I'm fine," he yelled through gritted teeth. "She hit me in the balls with her briefcase!"
"Accidently!" I interjected, in case anyone thought it was an asasult.

Gary stood there in the middle of the crowded stairwell for 10 minutes. He looked like he was in agonizing pain. I couldn't apologize enough.

Eventually he mustered up enough strength to get on the DLR. Even though he was sitting next to me he sent me a text. It said,

"We are through having sex. You have killed my last sperm."

I'm not sure if he was joking or not, but I have a feeling I'm not going to get any cock in a long while.

Quivering Anus & Cum Voice

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:26:00 +0000

There were two things that I noticed while I was masturbating this morning that I had never noticed before:

1. When I use the vibrator on my clit, my anus quivers. It feels very pleasurable. I wonder if it mean my anus wants some attention while I'm masturbating? Also I wonder if this is new since I popped my anal cherry. (Yes, I know, I still have to blog about that)

2. When I cum, I cum in a really girly voice. This surprised me, because in the past I have described my "cum voice" as a low-guttural dying cow type sound. Maybe my cum voice has evolved?

Anyhow, I feel pleased to have discovered something new about myself before 9AM!

Photo above courtesy of MyBlackSluts.com

Zoe Margolis, the Evening Standard and a Lesson in Journalism

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:42:00 +0000

The London Evening Standard asked me to write a response to their piece about Zoe Margolis aka Girl with a one Track Mind. Specifically, they wanted me to address "Margolis's comparisons of dating in London and New York and meeting people on the internet compared with in bars and clubs, and on the phenomenon of 'sex blogging'." And they wanted this in 150 words.

So here's what I wrote:

Response to Evening Standard RE: Zoe Margolis

I tend to think that Zoe Margolis has it wrong. (FYI she’s blocked me on Twitter and I responded in kind.) The best thing that could have happened to her career is her being outted. How many books has she sold since then?

She’s foolish to think that she could have remained anonymous for so long. Even Belle De Jour came out. Soon enough that lame-o sex-blogger at Oxbridge will be outted too (and most likely feted with six-figure book deal.)

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t be wildly successful AND anonymous. The public won’t let you. The taxman won’t let you. The men in your life that you date and have sex with won’t let you. There is always someone out there ready to tell your secret.

Yes, it’s unfortunate that Ms. Margolis’ secret was disclosed by the Times, but would it have been better if it had been an ex-boyfriend?

Don’t get me wrong, anonymity is great. I like it. I use it for my own sex blogging, but I’m not so naive to think that my secret will remain safe forever. I am, at least smart enough to have a contingency plan—something that Ms. Margolis didn’t appear to have.

RE: Zoe Margolis in NYC

Ms. Margolis said regarding her stint in New York “I think here people find me a little too brash and honest.” What part of New York was she in? Surely, not New York City? Perhaps she was in Poughkeepsie or Rochester or somewhere conservative in New York State?

The last shocking thing that happened in New York City was US Airways Flight 1549 miraculously landing in the Hudson River. One thing that is remarkable about New York City is that nothing is shocking. New Yorkers are unshakable. Besides the Yankees and Knicks doing well in the playoffs nothing gets New Yorkers excited. Not the weather, not the bright lights, not even sex and certainly and not Ms. Margolis.

New Yorkers are blasé, laid back, too cool for school and have seen it all. My point is: You cannot be “too brash” in NYC. In my estimation Ms. Margolis, at best, experienced the life of a glorified tourist.

RE: Dating in NYC vs Dating in London

Typical night out in New York: You go to bar, you meet a few guys, someone buys you a drink, you give them your number then a few days later you go out on a date. If the date goes well, then you have sex with him. Then you never hear from him again.

Typical night out in London: You go to a pub, you get incredibly drunk, you end up pulling some guy at the pub. You go back to his place and have sex with him. You don’t exchange numbers. Then you never hear from him again.

Of course that is an over-simplification but it’s the same results, through different methods.

RE: the NY / London Man comparison:
Men here are different than in NYC.

In New York people are outwardly freaky. They wear their neuroses on their sleeve. Many times you can tell that a guy is a weirdo or freak after the first few sentences.

Here in London it's the reverse. Men seem to be perfectly composed and then when you get them into bed you find out they are these sexual freaks... all those years of boarding school and keeping a stiff upper lip is spilling out onto the duvet! Do you know how many men here in london have asked to wear my knickers? That never happened in New York!

RE: Dating on the Internet
I have talked about dating on the internet ad nauseam on my blog and podcast. I’m almost bored of talking about it now. The internet is OK for meeting guys to date. It depends on which sites you go to. I once joined J-Date, the Jewish Dating site even though I’m black (and not Jewish). It was a very interesting experience and very different than Match.com or InterracialCupid.com. On J-Date lots of guys were interested in me being their “Bit on the side” but I was never Kosher enough to take home to mum and dad.

On the internet you get a higher percentage of weirdos to vet which can be quite discouraging. There are some really great guys out there, but you have to be prepared to take the time to look.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for casual sex the internet is perfect. You can cut to the chase. I’ve used the NSA (no strings attached) section of Craig’s List. Yes, I’ve had some kinky and fun times. One thing that is worrying is that there seem to be high percentage of guys with STDs on Craig’s List who lie about being disease free. See my blog entry: Herpes and the Craig’s List Liars

RE: The Phenomenon of Sex Blogging
I blog because I like writing. I feel that I’m a natural storyteller and I love communicating with people. I love it when my blog posts makes someone laugh.

It’s not necessarily that sex blogging comes easily or naturally for me. It’s just that sex is a topic that I like. I’m constantly interested in reading and writing about. It wasn’t until this year that the blog really started turning a profit. The money is great, but really it’s a labour of love.

I think there are lots of sex blogs out there, but few that are of substantial quality. Anyone can start blogging about sex, but few people are brave enough or honest enough to do it well.

I think in the back of every sex blogger’s mind they believe that they’re the next Belle de Jour. She was really one of a kind, though. In reality any sex blogger would be LUCKY to achieve the sort of infamy that Zoe Margolis has achieved. That’s why her “oh poor me I’ve been outted” stance rings false. I just want to say, “Oh, come on girl! That’s the best thing that’s happened to your career!”

And here's what they printed:

Botched Blow Job

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:29:00 +0000

Last week, after a day of interviews I came home and found Gary, my friend and sometimes fuck buddy in the guest room.

I knocked on the door. He told me to come in. He was stretched out on the bed with the laptop on his lap. He's one of my few friends who still insists on using a PC. All my other pals have switched to Mac. Why is Gary holding out?

His jeans were suspiciously unzipped and his hand was resting comfortably on his balls. I thought to myself, "He really has made himself comfortable here."

I sat on the bed next to him and sneaked a furtive glance at his laptop screen. I assumed he was watching porn, but actually he was watching illegally downloaded copies of Stargate Atlantis.

I look down at his hand that is resting on his crotch. He sees me looking down. Before I can say anything he declares, "I'm bored!"

"Are you masturbating to Stargate Atlantis?"
"No," he answers firmly, "this is Stargate Universe."
"Same difference!"

There's a pause as he turns the screen so I can see it too. I watch a few minutes of the show.

"Now, I'm bored," I say, "You wanna blow job?"

As soon as I said that I had wondered why I had said it? I mean, blow jobs are OK, but I only like doing them when I'm in LOVE-- or at least severe LIKE. Gaz is my pal. And although I do find fucking him enjoyable I dunno about the oral sex stuff. Could I have really been so bored that I wanted to go down on him? The last time I went down on him I ended up throwing up on his cock. Maybe I was trying to redeem myself?

Before I could change my mind, it was too late. Gaz had pulled his trousers down and had lowered his boxers to his knees. I did what was expected and took his cock into my mouth. His cock instantly stiffened. I moved my full lips up and down his cock. I teased the end of his dick with my tongue. He seemed to be really enjoying it.

"Stop!" he said suddenly.

I panicked. What was I doing wrong?

"You okay?" I asked.

"I want to fuck you now. Get up and turn over."

I lifted my head from off of cock. As I moved towards the end of the bed I clumsily kneed him very hard in the balls.

He let out a low moaning noise and grasped his balls. "What the fuck, Anjelika?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Jesus Christ. You really fucking got me."

"Does this mean I've killed the moment?"

"My fucking balls are killing me, what do you think?"

I got up off the bed and exited the room.

I felt angry at myself for being so clumsy. I felt angry at him for not wanting to continue. I felt angry because I was horny and had no outlet. So as expected I went in my room, climbed into the waterbed and used the vibrator until I came. Twice.

Question for the guys: Why is it so painful when you get hit down there?

How NOT to Ask Me Out - Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 01:20:00 +0000

FROM: m

TO: me@naivelondongirl.com

DATE: Fri, Mar 5, 2010 at 9:49 PM

SUBJECT: I'm fuck for free

I'M SO INTERESTED TO WHAT U HAVE
SAID AT U'RE PROFIRE BECAUSE I USED
TO FUCK FOR FREE WOMAN SO I
WANNA TO EXPERIENCE TONIGHT WITH
U LET MEKNOW NOW SO THAT WE CAN
HAVE FUN ALL 9T.
I'M REAALY WAIT U'RE ANSWER OR
CALL ME BY 075074849XX

As if I would go out with someone with such a poor command of English.

Take it on the Chin

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:12:00 +0000

I got my period a few days ago. Not that you needed to know that, but at the point I started dating my ex-boyfriend I started getting obsessed with my period.

Maybe this was because we weren't using birth control? I really wanted a baby with him. I know, you're probably all thinking, "Count your blessings that he didn't knock you up." But I loved him, dearly. At the time I could think of nothing better than to have a baby with him. Not that we ever tried. But we didn't stop it from happening. One thing that made the break-up with my ex so difficult was that I had to say goodbye to the idea that I was going to be a mum. I had to say goodbye to the notion that his DNA would make a baby inside me. This was incredibly hard and I still feel filled with regret.

So yeah, last year I been obsessing over my period; freaking out over the slightest changes: Too early, too late, spotting, not spotting, cramps, no cramps. I was looking for any sort of abonormality. But maybe it's the abnormalities that make me normal?

With my last period my harmones must have been fluctating quite wildly. All of a sudden I started getting these horrible zits on my chin. Big, stubborn, nasty spots. UGH, it was horrible. And yes I had acne as a teenager (and not nearly as bad as Belle de Jour), but I thought those days were gone. Recently I've been using the Jan Marini prodcut range and my skin had been flawless. Then these chin zits came out of nowhere and ruied my perfect complextion. There's nothing more embarrassing than going on a job interview with a huge zit on your chin! (Well, maybe going on a date with a cold sore is worse?)

What's worse is that I was never complacent to let the zits exist in peace. I have OCD and feel compelled to squeeze any zits I have. I blogged about this a few years ago.

I dunno, I guess I'm weird. I do get some sort of weird gratifcation of of watching zit-popping videos on YouTube. Have you ever seen this site: http://www.popthatzit.com/? It's great! Well, great in a really sick way.

Anyhow, I got really sick of these chin zits. No matter what I did they just wounldn't go away. Well, a couple would go away then a couple more would pop up. Finally, I said enough was enough and I decided to do something about it. And now the chin zits are gone!

So what did I do? Nothing really radical. I just washed my hands more.

Well, to go a bit more in depth, I figured that somehow there must have been lots of bacteria on my chin. Still not sure how it was getting there but I made the decision that I wasn't going to touch my face unless my hands were really clean. So I bought some antibacterial soap and started washing my hands a lot. Now I wash my hands in the morning before and after I shower, when I get to work, before lunch, after lunch before I go home, after I get home, after I touch the dog, and 3-4 times during the evening. I also bought a few packs of Superdrug Tea Tree cleansing wipes. I've been using them as facial wipes and they work really well. I also carry around anti-bacterial gel in my bag. And I wipe down my mouse and keyboard each day.

Lastly, every 3 days I use Clindamycin on my chin. Usually this is only available by perscrtion but I've been buying it from an online pharmacy. Clindamycin Phosphate Gel 20g - 1 Tube.

As I mentioned I got my period the other day. No chin zits this time! Seems to be working well so far. I am now happily working my way back to my picture-perfect complextion.

Masturbation, Birth Control and Divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 01:36:00 +0000

In this podcast Wanda and I chat about: Masturbation - Rampant Rabbit, Wanda's back massager, School Trips, birth control, Is it better to be 32 and Never Married or 32 and divorced?

"If I was married my husband would be getting some good times."

"After he would eat me out and I would cum really, really hard, i would just fall asleep."

"I don't believe in birth control pills. Well-- I know that they exist!"

"I remember Canada as this horrendous place."

"Is it better to be 32 and divorced or 32 and never married?"

"I might want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro but I'm too busy looking for a husband."

"Is it better to be a Spinster or Divorcée?"

"I want kids because I want a mini Anjelika walking around."

Direct link to media MP3 [Click here]

Listen on Mevio [Click here]

Listen on iTunes [Click here]

Listen on Zune [Click here]

Subscribe to the Feed [Click here]

http://offers.mevio.com/show/naivelondongirl.html

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Gazza: Friend and Fuck Buddy

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:14:00 +0000

My pal and sometimes fuck buddy, Gary has been spending a lot of time sleeping in my spare room lately. He's here from America for a few weeks on a film shoot. His hotel is somewhere near Heathrow, but for the past 6 days the crew has been shooting in East London and Greenwich / Blackheath. Not being a fan of early starts (he has to be on set by 5 AM) he's been crashing at my place. The early-morning commute from Heathrow was killing him.

I met Gaz like 10 years ago in New York. I was friends with his girlfriend initially. I realized that I had more in common with him than his girlfriend. We slept together a few times while he was dating his girlfriend. He broke up with her eventually and went out with another girl. We slept together a few more times. He broke up with her and went out with another girl. We slept together a few more times. We even fucked on her bed. What can I say? I was crazy and in my twenties. No wonder my karma is shit now.

I remember once when I was 24. I was in Harlem getting my hair did. All of a sudden I had this urge to feel Gary's cock in me. I desperately wanted him to fuck me. I had never had feelings like this before! In fact I was sort of 'off' sex. It hat been OK, but not a big deal to me. Never in my life had I craved sex.

I started twitching in my seat. I called him on his cell and said that I HAD to see him. That it was an emergency-- an emergency shag. The only place he could meet me was his girlfriend's place-- she was in the Hamptons. I went over to his girlfriend's place- a nice one bedroom apartment her wealthy parents had bought for her.

As soon as we got in the door we rushed into the bedroom. He ate me out and fucked me hard on her bed.

While he was in the middle of fucking me his girlfriend called. Although that would have been enough to put most men off, Gary was able to finish... and finish well. His girlfriend left a message on the answering machine to say that she was on the Hampton Jitney returning to the city.

It was nearly identical to that scene in Sex and the City from the episode "Running with Scissors" where Natasha comes home early to find Carrie in her apartment. Luckily I made a hasty escape and Gary was able to get the sex smell out of her place before she came back.

I remember leaving her apartment on that hot summer day thinking, "That was a really good fuck. I'm still horny and I want some more!" It's ever since then that my libido has been insatiable. I sometimes wonder if that event had never happened if there would be a Naive London Girl? Perhaps not.

I've never felt any romantic feelings for him and as far as I can tell he never felt any for me either. What I felt for him was two things: Animal lust and friendship -- not always at the same time, that's the extent of my feelings for him. He's cool as shit. And really funny. He reminds me of Boricua Seth Rogen and Tracy Morgan combo -- if you can imagine such a mix.

And when we fuck we laugh and laugh and laugh. He's a pal and a good fuck buddy. Sex with him is always fun. We never "make love" we just fuck.

I can't ever see myself ending up with him. Maybe it's his lack of ambition in life? Maybe because he drinks a little too much? He's just my really good pal who on occasion I fuck. We don't ever plan to fuck, it more or less just happens. Sometimes we just hang out and watch TV.

I always get along with all of his girlfriends. None of them knew I was fucking him, but I'm always happy to see him happy in love with someone else.

He's the one I botched the blow job with -- yes I will get around to blogging about that eventually. And he's the one I lost my anal virginity to -- yes I'll be blogging about that soon too.

Anyhow, it's been nice having him stay here at the flat. It's like having a little bit of New York here in London with me. When he leaves, I'll be sad, but not heart broken. He's a good fuck, but he's no RTC or BFE.

Jobs are Like Buses...

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:49:00 +0000

Motherfucker. Jobs are like buses. None for ages and then you get 3 at once! Today I had job interview numbers 15, 16 and 17. 16 was a second interview. Anyhow, I nailed all 3 interviews. I turned down number 15 as it required me to move to Norwich. Number 16 hired me on the spot. I was so frazzled that I said yes. And then they said, "Can you start tomorrow?" And I said yes again.

In retrospect I really should have asked for a day to think about it. Jobs 15 & 17 were full-time permanent roles and job 16 is a contract role paying £300/day. The thing about the contract market is that it tends to move fast. If I had delayed on my decision they would have swiftly moved on to the next candidate.

I left job interview 16 feeling smug. I headed down to interview 17. Oh, there's nothing so smug as going into a job interview when you already nailed the interview before. Interview 17 was great! The job is exactly what I want to do - "Social Media Strategist." Twitter, Facebook and blogging all day AND I get paid for it??? Yes, please!

Can you believe I was actually able to use this blog here as a reference point to all my social media experience? No, I didn't have to show them the blog. I mean, I wouldn't want my potential employers to read, "My first anal" and "Botched Blow Jobs" and whatnot. In some ways I'm really proud of myself because I do this blog out of a labour of love and now I've been able to spin that into a job interview.

The social media job interview went really, really well. I sooooo want this position, but I already verbally agreed to job 16. I haven't signed any paperwork yet so legally, I'm in the clear. If I reneg on this deal, I will be blacklisted by the recruiter, who to his credit, has gotten me interviews with some really great companies.

I'm due to get some feedback about my interview with the social media dream job tomorrow morning. By that time, I would have already started work at Job 16.

I hate letting people down. I hate appearing to be flakey. Yes, I could always start work tomorrow and tell the recruiter that I don't think I'm cut out for that role-- and hope I get a formal offer from interview 17. My experience in Britain is that everything that has a financial transaction associated with it takes a long time. It seems to take at least 2 weeks to get a formal offer letter for a position. This is really different than in the States. Things in NYC tend to move faster.

So, what do you think I should do?

What should I do?

How NOT to Ask Me Out - Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:47:00 +0000

FROM: m
TO: me@naivelondongirl.com
DATE: Tue, Mar 2, 2010 at 1:13 PM
SUBJECT: RE: I NEED U FOR SEX

HI
Are u available today for sex let me know please! whait to hear from u!
Thanks
-------------------------
Dear M,

No.

Warm regards,
Anjelika

Facebook Deleted My Account, Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:23:00 +0000

I had a feeling FaceBook was going to delete my account after two idiots started hassling me on there. They accused me of being a man masquerading as a woman. As if. They wanted me to prove to them that I was a woman by either showing them more pics of me or going out with them. Guys can be sooo immature!

To stop them from hassling me I deleted them as "friends" and blocked them from my account. 24-hours later my account was deleted. I'm sure they've reported me to FaceBook for inappropriate content or something.

Anyhow, the two idiots that were hassling me are:
Idiot Number 1
Idiot Number 2

Feel free to send them messages of love and kindness.

In any case, I have a new Facebook account. Send me a friend request if you want to stay in touch on there.

Even Celebs Go to Tesco

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:44:00 +0000

Whilst shopping at the Earl's Court Tesco I spotted this well-known British funny man.

Strangely enough, he had a Chinese man pushing his trolley for him while he was on the phone the whole time.

10 points if you can guess who it is.

Coming Soon: Botched Blow Jobs & My First Anal

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 02:09:00 +0000

It's been an exciting weekend. I am way to tired to blog about this now but here's an announcement: I lost my anal virginity!!!!

So I will be blogging about that soon. Also, I like really messed up a blow job a few days ago. Pretty embarrassing. Not sure if I should blog about that.

Anyhow, I must get my beauty sleep now. Interview #15 is tomorrow.

Nighty, night,
Anjelika

She's in Fashion

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:49:00 +0000

OK, so job interview 19 is this week at a very well known fashion house. It's so ironic that I should get an interview there because I'm SO not into fashion. Yes, I like to look good, but I don't really follow any particular label. I didn't even know who Alexander McQueen was until the news of his passing came along. And here's a secret, but there are some clothes in my closet that I bought from Sainsbury's! I like to think of myself as Carrie Bradshaw, but I certainly don't have her wardrobe!

I was told not to wear a suit to the interview. I panicked. What do I wear to an interview at a fashion house when I don't follow fashion? I knew I needed help from fashionista and celebrity stylist, Karena Sedwick.

Karena was kind enough to come over to my flat Sunday afternoon to style me. How exciting! I've had my make-up done for a few TV appearances, but I've never been styled before!

I was really fortunate that I had a lot of basics in my wardrobe. Karena asked if I had any black skirts. I went to my wardrobe and pulled out 9 black skirts. She then asked if I had a vest, which initially confused me because a vest is slightly different in American English than British English. Yes, I did have plenty of vests.

What was great about having Karena work with me was that she gave me fashion ideas and options I had never though about about. I had many of the essentials in my wardrobe already. She was able to pick out what exactly would look good on me and add accessories that made the outfit stand out.

My proud moment was when she said that one of my jackets looked, "very Chanel." For that one minute, I felt like a real fashionista!

I highly recommend Karena's services. Check out her website http://www.mynewbestfriends.co.uk/
She's über busy - she just finished curating Tunbridge Wells Fashion Week - but she should be able to squeeze a few of you in for appointments - karena@mynewbestfriends.co.uk

How NOT to Ask Me Out - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Naive London Girl) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:21:00 +0000

Conversation via FaceBook Chat between Anjelika Jinx and Village Idiot

11:25pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
dude ur a man
i rate u
for it

11:25pm
ANJELIKA
i'm not a guy

11:25pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
yh u r
if ur a girl can i come and have a session with you

11:25pm
ANJELIKA
why do you think i'm a guy
not a chance

11:26pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
y nt

11:26pm
ANJELIKA
you haven't given me a good reason

11:26pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
because im good at eating pussy

11:26pm
ANJELIKA
and i'm not interesting in fucking anyone from facebook

11:26pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
i live near docklands
so im close
is it a yes den

11:27pm
ANJELIKA
No, not at all interested at this point
I've done a blog post about this sort of thing
have a look at the post (i'll provide the link) and get back to me when you can

11:28pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
ok hw bout just lunch then
and ill be a perfect gentlement
wt do u say
is dat a yes

11:29pm
ANJELIKA
http://www.naivelondongirl.com/2010/02/cum-with-fat-wallet.html

11:30pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
i just wanna go out
why is dat such a bad thing:S

11:31pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
?

11:32pm
ANJELIKA
Not interested

11:32pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
why nt
its racial thing

11:32pm
ANJELIKA
I don't date guys from facebook

11:32pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
but u wont be

11:32pm
ANJELIKA
You don't even have a profile pic
I don't know anything about you

11:32pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
i can say the same for u
and whos fault is dat den

11:32pm
ANJELIKA
I'm just not interested

11:33pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
das cause ur scared
hw bwt i come visit u then
canary wharf yh
u had anal sex with some next guy
so why not me

11:35pm
ANJELIKA
i'm not that hard up for sex

11:35pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
welll u blotched a bloyjob

11:35pm
ANJELIKA
I'm totally uninterested, and the more you ask, the more uninterested I am

11:36pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
ok
then
u got some issues man

11:36pm
ANJELIKA
I have issues, because I don't want to have sex with you?
There are a lot of guys I don't want to have sex with. You just happen to be one of them.

11:37pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
no u have issues a guy is just tryna get to know some1 in person wts the crime in dat

11:37pm
ANJELIKA
I don't want to meet for sex, coffee or lunch. That doesn't mean that I'm a guy parading as a chick

11:38pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
no ididnt mean u were

11:38pm
ANJELIKA
There's nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone - but I've just gone through a break up and I don't want to meet someone new now -- That's my prerogative

11:38pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
i mean am a guy tryna get to know u in person wts the crime in that
but i just wanna be a mate
wts wrong wit htha

11:39pm
ANJELIKA
Listen, matey, I'm not interested. Maybe somewhere down the line but not now -- please be aware that you are severely decreasing your chances by constantly asking me

11:40pm
VILLAGE IDIOT
well i apologise for interrogating you i hope we can keep up to date in freindsand i apologise and i hope u accept my humble apology i guess every1 has had a bad day

11:41pm
ANJELIKA
Thank you

Oh my God, where do I even begin?

First of all, this village idiot guy doesn't have a profile pic. Now before you criticize me for not having a proper profile pic keep in mind these two things. 1. At least i do have some sort of pic, yes it's of my boobs. but at least it is something. And 2. I have a SEX BLOG and I'm trying to remain somewhat anonymous. The last thing I want is to get the beat down from the wives of the husbands I slept with -What is Village Idiot's excuse? I gather that either he's too unattractive or too lazy to put a pic up. Either way, I'm not interested.

When a girl says she's not interested, trust me, she's NOT interested. I probably should have signed off and blocked him, but I was trying to be diplomatic.

Third, when I told him that I was not interested in meeting him, he accused ME of having a problem. That is really childish behavior. It reminds me of my days in NYC when a few brothers would try to chat me up. When I would indicate that I was uninterested their attitude changed. They became defensive. They would respond, "You ain't all that good looking anyway!" Nice attitude, idiot.

Fourth, I am not so HARD UP for sex that I'm gonna meet mr Village Idiot. whose pic is sight unseen.

If men knew the kind of shit women go through online maybe they'd be a bit kinder.

So, what is the right way to chat me up?
I got a very long, well-written (no typeos or txt spk) e-mail from a guy who reads my blog. He introduced himself, told me about the things he likes and doesn't like. He even shared some of his experience of being an expat in London. From his e-mail I could see that we have a lot in common. I would really love to post the letter as an example of how to ask me out, but I don't want to invade his privacy.

Anyhow, a question for the ladies: Have you ever been hassled by a guy on the internet?